Thursday, April 15, 2010

April 14th

Yesterday was April 14th, a seemingly ordinary day, yet one that has recently taken on new significance. It was one year ago that I laid eyes on my sweet William for the first time. I remember feeling sooooo excited, and at the same time, sooooo scared. Seeing that little flicker of a heartbeat, knowing that I was in fact pregnant with a live human baby (albeit, one that slightly resembled a gummy bear), is a moment I will never forget. The relief that overtook me, combined with an intense exhilaration, is beyond words. It was a magical experience. Is it possible for it to be as magical with your second? I'm highly doubtful. Being pregnant with Will was like a roller coaster ride that stalled out at the top of the biggest hill, right before the grand finale. And yet, it was not without its exciting moments; our first ultrasound at the top of the list.

I find myself feeling so wishy-washy as we approach these anniversaries of 'firsts,' all in preparation for one of the biggest firsts: the FIRST birthday. Will is growing way too fast for my taste. Which reminds me... I have a note to write:
Dear Time,
Please stop taking my baby away from me.
Sincerely,
Carrie Harmsen
I look back at pictures and videos from those early months and often see myself holding Will up so he was standing with straight, little legs; I was so obviously impressed with the young boy's ability. I want to go back and smack that girl. I want to tell her, Stop trying to make him a big boy! I regret all those times I put him in his swing to nap. Why didn't I just hold him? I'm trying to make up for it now. I'm trying to soak it all in and enjoy his sweet babyness for as long as he'll possibly let me. I make sure I rock him before every nap and bedtime sleep because I know Will might soon tell me, I've had enough of this, Mom, like he started to last month. Thankfully, that was short lived. I know the rule is to rock him until he's drowsy and put him in his crib AWAKE, but lately I find myself rocking until long after he's gone. Sometimes we sit in Mike's chair to eat, and when Will falls asleep in my arms, I just let him nap right where he is. The baby sleep experts would have a fit over me; tell me I'm doing it all wrong and it's no wonder he's not sleeping through the night. As impossible as it may seem, I'm attempting to parent in a way that will lead to the least amount of regret.

Will happily posed for some pictures to commemorate our special day.

One year ago, Will was 5 cm long.


I love you, Gummy Bear!!

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